How to Become an Effective Listener?

Ruth was sitting at her desk looking for something in her bag. It was an early Tuesday afternoon – just an ordinary working day. “Oh, I hate this bag. Each time when I want to find aspirin I can never find it. Maybe the bag is too big…,” Ruth mumbled. “Do you have a headache? Can I help you?” Mike asked her empathetically. Ruth nodded: “Thank you. I’ve just had a lunch with a colleague. She was talking non-stop and it made me crazy. Why can’t people listen?” Mike smiled and said that he had read somewhere that almost everyone believes that she or he can listen effectively. “It would make me happy if people could at least listen,” he replied giving Ruth a small box “ha, just imagine I wouldn’t have listened to you and would have given you drugs for diarrhea instead of aspirin.” Mike and Ruth, who were still alone in the office, burst into laughter. Suddenly Sam entered the office, looked at his laughing colleagues, and started laughing too. Mike quickly winked to Ruth as if saying we will see now how listening really works. He turned to Sam saying: “You know, Ruth has had a very stressful lunch with a colleague who was very talkative. As a result Ruth has a headache and needs some aspirin. Maybe you have some?” Sam’s reaction was immediate: “Oh, poor Ruth … Did you have lunch with Paul from our marketing department? He is a non-stop talker. By the way, a good place… “ He went on talking mentioning his favorite lunch spots. When he stopped, Mike laughed again: “You see, Ruth. It’s exactly what I’ve just said. Hmm.. Sam, I haven’t asked you about restaurants. Are you a good listener?” “Sure, I am,” Sam replied proudly. Ruth stood up, took a small box of aspirin, and showed it to Sam: “This is what I need as Mike has told you.” Sam was surprised. But being rather stir he had no intention to accept his mistake. He started talking again explaining to the colleagues that effective listening was merely actively absorbing information given by someone. Unfortunately, his monologue was long, boring, and monotonous. Mike shot a glance at his watch and paused before saying: “Sam, not sure you can beat the record of talking non-stop. Anyway, you’ve impressed me… Well, I think effective listening is also providing feedback, checking interest, making pauses for reflection…” Mike, Ruth, and Sam continued passionately discussing effective listening and didn’t notice John who had entered the office. He looked a bit upset. “Any problems, John?” Ruth asked him. John didn’t reply as if he had not heard the question. “What a day!” exclaimed Sam demonstrating it was his chance to take revenge “nobody can listen today. John, are you a good listener?” John raised his eyebrows slightly, paused, and said thoughtfully: “Of course I am but.. “ He sighed and added firmly: “To tell you the truth, not always. When I have stress, I can’t often communicate effectively. Maybe it’s a matter of concentration or just stress. It’s interesting that listening is considered to be a “soft” skill. Why soft? I think this skill should be constantly improved. Ineffective communication can be very expensive for a company.” John considered for a moment, leaned back in his chair, and told his team members his observations during a recent business meeting. “You won’t believe me that three of the six executives were checking non-stop their iPads in the meeting…” Mike remarked with a touch of irony: “Maybe that was a new way of reflecting but definitely not the best way of leading by example. I think your head should be free of any distraction when you listen to other people, especially customers.” “Absolutely! Reflect, paraphrase, ask questions, observe body language – this is theory. Well.... How to make this theory work in our company and our team? John said looking at his team members who were waiting for the answer although they knew that John’s words were always thought provoking and inspiring...